back! back, all my fans and fanettes. Yes, I’m back. Thanks to the attentions of FLAB (Feminist Liberationist Against Blokes) and HMRC I have had to be dead for the last few months – hence the silence. But according to my embalmer and my accountant it should be safe for me to make a come back; for at least a while. Naturally my return has not met with universal approval, least of all from the bloody computer, (“Hi there!” Ermintrude) and Edzilla, (“Beat it you looser!” Edzilla). So my silence has not been brought about by a lack of inspiration or any other painfully personal affliction. (“Yeah not much.” Ermintrude) anyway, the oysters seem to be working. (“unlike your brain.” Edzilla).
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing
Which brings me to my fabulous new publication, “Perils before Swine or The Feminist Dic(k)tionary.” This weighty tome ranks along side “The rights of man” by Thomas Paine, and “The communist manifesto” by Marx and spencer: or if you are a women, the most recent Ikea catalogue. (Watch it, twat face!” Ermintrude) Bah! These definitions laid bare the real man hating philosophy of females in general, and feminist in particular. ( Just good taste on their part, you absolute tosser.” Edzilla) double bah! As you, dear discerning readers, you will see that my venture has been fraught with danger , attracting the unwanted attentions of the lunatic fringe of feminism. To be fair I haven’t received too many death threats from them, since that would involve too many big words. (“like ‘arsehole'” Ermintrude)
This dic(k)tionary shows how language is being twisted by the Forces of Dimness, aka Feminism. For example, while the word “divorced” used to mean to men freedom and liberty again, it now means penury and years of financial ruin to keep the ex in a manner to which she was never accustomed before. “Trial Separation” used to mean husband and wife giving each other a long deserved break, but it now means that after a trial, often heard by a female judge, the poor husband has his head and wallet separated from his body. In that interim period between the wife-dragon buggering off and the final divorce decree, heaven help the husband who may seek some solace with the agreeable blonde in accounts- “Hell have no fury like a woman with a divorce lawyer” The feminist dic(k)tionary finally discloses the true meaning of seemingly harmless words. I cannot recommend it enough.(“Yes. because of all the royalties you’ll make, you dickhead!” Edzilla)
Prisoner of Brenda
Naturally I have had to take precautions to protect myself from FLAB 2- The Feminist Liberation Assassination Bureau. Luckily they can be often spotted by their stretch marks and cellulite. In the dic(k)tionary I have take precautions to ensure that this revolutionary publication cannot be traced back to MOI. All proceeds go to the John J McCabe disaster fund for relief of deeply misunderstood tragic hero’s – one in particular. If on examination you like the work then please recommend it to all un sundry. If you don’t like the work, just lie.
Farewell for now.
John J McCabe copyright 2017