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Everyday Sexism

‘Everyday what?’ I think its technical term is human biology. But none of which I expect to encounter when perusing the Daily Torygraph. I mean, I know the publication is a wee bit too left wing, but I had fondly imagined there were editorial limits. Pity too; quite a cute looking chick. Only she has to go and spoil it all by thinking, aloud. Apparently sexism is everywhere; endemic even. Bollocks! Although, according to ‘that monstrous regiment of wimmin’ that is actually where the problem lies. (Yes, John dearest. Try, just for a change, to stop thinking through your y-fronts. EdZilla) See what I mean? Anyway. I seem to recall some wee soul, terribly earnest woman, Andrea Dwarfega, or Anastasia Desmoulins, or Rachel Welch, or some one like that, suggesting that all forms of sexual congress between men and women was really ritualised rape. I mean; hello? I remember having to spout all that guff when I was laying siege to some Bolshie chick’s knickers at University. Even had to memorise bits from “The Communist Manifesto”. ‘Workers of the world unite, you’ve nothing to lose but your wives…’ I think. [‘Chains’ you pathetic moronic dinosaur! Ermintrude] Bah! Bumhug!

Feminists Fatales

When Mac warned me about not using the ‘F’ word, I fondly imagined he meant ‘getting close up and personal, and ultimately rather sticky, with a member of the opposite sex (or now even the same sex)’. But oh dear me no. It seems there is a new spectre haunting Europe; the spectre of Feminism. Apologies to Karl Marx. I had thought all these dozy bints had settled down, had some kids, discovered liposuction, and eloped with the gardener. Evidently not. It gets worse; if possible. Some of the ‘Sisterhood’ don’t like Karl Marx because he wasn’t very nice to his wife. Given the atrocities committed by these Commie bastards in his name over the last hundred years or so, I might have thought it was his poisonous philosophy that was the main issue. Wrong. Apparently it was his poor feminist credentials. Still; chicks. What can I tell you? Next thing they’ll be wanting to call history, ‘herstory’. As if.

Hell hath no fury like a feminist who can’t find reverse

Mac claims to be serious. He warned me about the danger of revenge attacks from feminist hit squads; ‘tit squads’, more like; of course, he’s married…  One) They’ll be too busy working out how to pay for the breast enhancement; and Two) the words are too long. And no feminist would ever use a ‘dicktionary’ – geddit? [No; twathead! Ermintrude] Handbags at ten paces? I think not. Apparently there is a dedicated Hit Squad who go round visiting mayhem on those rash enough to stand up for Homo Not So Sapiens. Like commandoes, except with a bit more mascara. Like the old Speznatz, only this bunch are called ‘Leznatz’. Witty, no? (No! EdZ) Besides, my feminist credentials are impeccable. I have always supported the Women’s Movement; especially at ‘Spearmint Rhino’. [Your testicles are toast! Ermintrude]

John J. McCabe. Copyright up your arse! (EdZilla)

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