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Of Course I didn’t mean Pubic information

So now I’m a pubic information service? Drop an ‘L’ and anything goes. Anything to oblige; especially if it saves some poor bloke from a fondle worse than death. ‘North-foot sierra, South-foot sierra, Lundy, Dogger and Smouldering Knicker Elastic…’ Aaaaarrrgggghhhh!

Ever had pulled pork?

Gale Force Valkerie and Edzilla are on the pull! After fourteen thousand years of relative safety and security the huMan Race are once more faced with Armageddon. That’s as in ‘Arm a Geddon the hell out of here!’ Not original, but there you go.
I blame the Spring myself. And the hormone supplements. And the sudden popularity in Cougars – no denying the possibilities. I’ve considered several brilliantly witty acronyms, but prefer to keep my testicles attached. I can’t escape the image of some mature ‘pussy’ preying on some younger six-packs – lucky bastards. What’s wrong with a more mature, man-sized, twelve-pack?

Hello sailor

Anyway all you sailors who have been at sea, for a month or so, may well be thinking of parking your ‘vessel’ in a user-friendly ‘harbour’. Especially in Perth or Falkirk or the Planet Earth. Look out! The Road to Hell (not the excellent Chris Reah song) is paved with used condoms. Older blokes may recognise the signs; come-to-bed-thighs with just a hint of chloroform. And what they’re looking for in a man is, of course, a pulse. Wallet an excellent optional extra.
An easy way to spot the predatory tendency, is first-off note agreement with everything you say; younger males might not have worked that one out yet, but the more ‘mature’ men most certainly have. Bottom-line? Any bird over forty who hangs on your every word, without bursting out laughing, will be hanging on to half of your pension fund shortly thereafter.

Nippy or snippy?

Give a woman an inch, and she’ll want a vasectomy.’ An excerpt from ‘The Thoughts of Chairman Mar-vellous’ I believe. Us more mature men must be on the lookout for such sirens who would lure us into dangerous briefs.[don’t you mean ‘reefs’ EdZ] No. I think all us blokes know exactly what I mean. [Pricks! EdZ] Exactly.
Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
by John J McCabe